Jokes about husband and wife

Husband to wife:
- Listen ... this ... tomorrow will be my best friend's wedding with this ... like her ... Julia Roberts...
- What other friend? Could you tell me before? What will I wear? I have nothing to wear! And a gift! Where we will look for a gift?
- Well, you are a fool! This movie is - "The wedding of my best friend." What are you dark, uncultured...
- You would be better off about culture. When I told you last time that we’ll go to Swan Lake, whoever came across fishing rods?

Bunny with a hare bred.
- What is the reason?
- She is slanting!
- And before the wedding you did not see it?
- I saw, but then I thought that she was building my eyes!

The groom asks the younger brother of his bride: - And often do you spy on us in the keyhole? - Only when dad and mom don’t look there.

Husband and wife are sitting in the kitchen after a hard day's work. Wife sighs:
- Oh, I still have to cook soup for tomorrow.
- What is it for you, - the husband is sad, - but I need to eat it tomorrow!

Lord, please give me:
Wisdom - to understand my man,
Love - to forgive him,
Patience - to take all his moods,
For if you give me Strength - I WILL KILL HIM...

The husband walks with friends. To return him home early, his wife sends an SMS message: “Come quickly, I want you!” An hour passes, there is no husband, there is no answer either.
The wife sends a second message: "Well, don’t be afraid, go home, I don’t want you anymore!"

- You are happy in family life?
- Oh yeah! We love each other so much that three times already
delayed divorce.