He faded away the candy-floral period, played Mendelssohn’s waltz, as a honeymoon flew by and you in horror understand that you have become the happy owner of not only the most loving, most worthy man, but also his mother. It’s not that the fact of its existence was hidden from you, but in the view of the head of the family they certainly didn’t represent it before.
It just so happens that some mother-in-law perceive the daughter-in-law not as a member of the family, but as a newly-appeared enemy. As a rule, this is a psychological conflict that arises from ordinary female jealousy. Nothing that she is a mother; your husband has been in her sole possession for a very long time. He didn’t dare to disobey her, he gave flowers to her on holidays and hurried to her from a garden, school, university ... And today, for another woman, he empties pastry shops and even began to forget to call in the evenings. Is this why she raised him and took care of him for so many years?
There are frequent cases when a whole war arises and, oddly enough, all responsibility for it falls on the shoulders of a young wife. On her shoulders, because it is she who can change, smooth out the situation by reasoning carefully with her or glowing to the boiling point, wanting to change her mother-in-law and her attitude to the new family.
Sometimes it’s very difficult to endure minor dirty tricks in turn, but it’s worth remembering that there is a connection between the mother and son, which cannot be understood until you become the boy’s mother yourself. Open aggression will force the mother-in-law to turn to secret weapons - prayers against you. And this is a very formidable weapon, which has cracked many unions, because we are all just programmed to obey or listen to the words of our parents.
There are several secrets that will help maintain a healthy family atmosphere. For example, pamper your mother-in-law, do not pass by the freezing bonet with her beloved ice cream, make the person pleasant, but you should not let her into personal life. If the mother-in-law wants to reign in a young family, give her that right, but clearly define the boundaries. Does it hit what you cook wrong? Take from her a couple of crown recipes and cook these dishes for each of its occurrences. She wants to choose a sofa for you? How important is this question for you? Do you want to see every evening a sofa that you liked or a satisfied face of your husband? Here, the daughter-in-law has the right to choose which is more important, but the future grandmother should not be involved in family planning issues, tell her only the facts: «I am pregnant», «We are expecting a second child», «we sell / buy / rent an apartment» etc.
The husband should know that you value and respect his mother. Do not allow yourself to scold or discuss it, but make it clear that you require the same attitude to yourself. You can never force a man to choose between mom and beloved woman. Even if in an emotional outburst he ruins the relationship with his mother, it will return to you as a boomerang at the most unexpected moment.
In relations with the mother-in-law, you do not need to be a subtle psychologist, just look at the situation from the side and understand how sad her situation is. Sincerely take pity on her and treat her like a little capricious child whose most beloved and expensive toy was taken away.