Funny jokes

They talk to two women. One asks:
- My husband and I always travel around together for a vacation in a vacation. And you?
- Yes, and we usually together, but a few years ago, we decided to experiment and go separately.
- So what, like it?
- Yes, I liked it.
- And the husband?
- I do not know, he has not come back.
So let us drink for what would many years later, you are not attracted to such experiments!

***

We met two friends.
- You're the husband changes, got a mistress, and you do not like do not react! - Says one.
- You see, with our current financial situation, we can afford it! - Answers the other.
Let us drink to the well-being and a great opportunity!

***

One man's wife had many lovers. Every night she spent with one of them. For a long time so it went on, and that's a friend of my husband broke down and said to him:
- How can? Forbade her to go out at night at home.
- Yes, I will do so as soon as I see it - is responsible man.
Let's drink to women who spend every night at home!

***

In prison, the chamber's new lead. Everyone gathered around him and began to ask:
- How are you here?
- Yes, absent-mindedly.
- Like this?
- I wanted to steal the bride, and the time - only dowry.

***

A woman shows off in front of friends:
- I have a son-in-good! I bought me recently just two TVs.
- Why two? - Long thought familiar ....
- Wife's mother told me that half my life for a TV give! - Clarified the situation-in-law.

***

Husband deploys purchasing and angrily says to his wife:
- What kind of shirt you bought me? Look at the size of it, probably, on a two-meter big man ...
- I could not, I assume that sellers would have guessed, for a little man I married ... - said the wife.

***

The guy came to the father of his girlfriend woo:
- Why do not you want to give me in marriage to his daughter? - He asked. - Because I do not drink, I do not smoke, do not walk, do not play cards and, in general, positive.
- That is why. I do not want that to me all the rest of your life you are put in an example.

***

We met two men:
- What's up? - Asks one.
- Yes, not very ... - says the other.
- Why? - Interested friend.
- His wife and mother-quite washed down.
- Yes, you come home, knock fist on the table: "Who's the Boss" - advises man - And before that courage to accept.
And so it did. Only the mother-in-law and his wife began his "cut", went, drank for courage and - kaboom! - Fist on the table:
- Who is the head in this house?
- What-oh-oh-oh? - He gets a wife, hands on hips.
- What-oh-oh-oh? - Mother-in-law gets up on him ...
A man in a low voice:
- Well ... already and can not ask?

***

Odessa, Derebasovskoy. There is a young gentleman, he sees a beggar by the wayside:
- Here, take this - and gives him 10 cents. - I can not give more, I recently got married, I'm sorry. The beggar was indignant:
- No, you've seen this fraera, he married. Taki that now I have his family?

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